


The Best Havoc Can Get

by devylin



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Comedy, F/M, Genderbending, fem!Breda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-29
Updated: 2015-08-29
Packaged: 2018-04-17 19:13:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4678181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/devylin/pseuds/devylin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As usual, Jean Havoc is on the lookout for a potential date, but he's never encountered a woman as forward and boisterous as Lieutenant Breda before, and she's taken a liking to him. <br/>(fem!Breda)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Best Havoc Can Get

Havoc sat under his usual tree in Central Headquarters’ courtyard and lit up his eighth cigarette that day. On sunny days, he often sat outside during his lunch break to allow himself some time to enjoy the fresh air, the scenery, and the multitude of women walking past on their way to wooden tables that had been placed in various locations on the lawn. Clenching the cigarette between his teeth with a determined grin, he swore to himself that one day when he saw one of those pretty, young girls walking by herself, he’d summon up the courage to go talk to her and, with any luck, he’d finally have a girlfriend. Today wasn’t the day for that, however. Today he just wanted to lean back against the trunk of the tree and smoke.

He closed his eyes, enjoying the peace of a gentle breeze, the tree’s shade covering him just enough from the sunlight, and the quite laughter of the female officers. Just as he was getting comfortable enough to fall asleep, his peace was shattered by loud, boisterous laughter. He sat up with a groan to see what the commotion was, but he already had a general idea. Lieutenants Ross and Breda were walking by with their lunches, and Breda seemed to have found something that Ross said particularly hilarious. Not that Ross seemed to understand the humor in what she’d said. She just regarded her friend with a confused smile and a slight shake of her head. Havoc raised a hand in greeting, and the two waved back, though Breda went further to greet him with a large toothy grin and a middle finger. 

Havoc rolled his eyes as his fellow lieutenants made their way to an empty table. He was probably one of the few male officers to actually like Breda. She wasn’t particularly attractive; in fact, her extra weight and hair coupled with an obnoxious sense of humor and very little sense of what was crossing the line generally repelled most men. Still, she never failed to get a laugh out of Havoc. She lived in the female barrack next to his, so he tended to see a lot of her. They occasionally bumped into each other at the bar but never interacted much there, as they were both with their own set of friends. Still, he wouldn’t mind getting to know her better. But maybe some other time. Right now, he just wanted to relax. But for the occasional interruptions brought on by another of Breda’s boisterous reactions, Havoc drifted in and out of sleep until the end of his lunch break.

The work day had dragged on as usual once Havoc had returned, and he was more than glad to leave when it was over. He was just getting ready to go home for the night when he heard a voice down the hall call his name. Taking a drag on yet another cigarette, he turned quickly around to find Breda waving at him wearing the same ridiculous grin as earlier. He grinned back around his cigarette. “Long time no see, Breda.”

She quickly marched up to him and grabbed him by the elbow, practically dragging him out the door. “C’mon, Havoc! We’re going out to the bar tonight.” Before he could say a word in protest, she cut him off. “Beer’s on special tonight. It’s practically half price! Gives you an excuse to buy me a drink. No one has to know it wasn’t your idea in the first place.” She gave another guffaw and slapped him hard on the back.

Havoc stumbled and turned back to regard her with a raised eyebrow. Holding up his hands in an attempt to get her to slow down and let him figure out what was going on, he tried not to let his cigarette drop from his mouth while he attempted to clear things ups. “Hey, hey, hey! Wait a second! Why the hell am I buying you a drink?”  
She crossed her arms, feigning annoying and put on a tone as if she were explaining to a child who just didn’t get it. “Because you’re a man. Men always buy a drink for pretty girls when the go out to a bar together.”

He rolled his eyes. “The reason that we’re apparently going together is because you’re dragging me."

Breda lowered her eyelids and leaned in toward him. As Havoc took a step back, she trailed a finger down his chest. “You know, I’ve seen you watching me for a long time now. And I know what men want when they watch a girl. But a gentleman always treats his lady to a drink before he tries anything. You are a gentleman, aren’t you?” She leaned in closer, rising on her toes to get closer to his face. 

Suddenly she snickered. Pushing back away from him, Breda doubled over in laughter, holding her sides as if to keep the raucous laughter from tearing her apart. Eventually it subsided enough for her to talk a little through gasps for air. “Oh my god! You should have seen your face!” She crumbled into another fit of laughter while Havoc looked on at her in shock. He’d really thought she was going to try something right here in the hallway. Of course he’d panicked!

Finally, she straightened up, wiping her eyes on the back of her hand. “Ok, ok. I’m sorry.” It was obvious she wasn’t. “But really, though. Come to the bar with me. It’ll be fun! I see you there all the time anyway.”

Havoc just stared at her as if there were clearly something wrong with her head. “Wh-what the hell was that just now?!” What had she been thinking trying something like that in a public place? Even if it were a bad joke, people could still have seen on their way out of the office.

She blinked up at him, trying hard, and failing, to hide her grin. “I was just curious to see how you’d react. You didn’t seem like the type of man to fall for that kind of thing, but I thought it might be fun to find out.” She couldn’t hide her grin anymore. “And your reaction was even better than I’d hoped!”

He groaned. He was starting to understand why her lack of popularity was more than just her lack of good looks. “And what reason could you possibly have that you would need to know something like that?”

Breda shrugged nonchalantly. “Well, since I’d clearly just asked you out, I would think it would be obvious. I’m making sure that you’re not the type of man to take advantage of a lady, even when she’d advancing on you. You never know if I might do that if you buy me too many drinks, you know.”

“You’ve gotta be kidding me. You didn’t even ask me out! It’s more like you demanded it!”

She considers for a moment. “Well, if I didn’t make a request, you really weren’t given the option to refuse, then, were you?” She breaks into another burst of laughter and grabs his arm again. “In that case, let’s go then!” Havoc didn’t really have much of a choice but to be dragged off to the local bar by a woman he barely knew.

A few drinks later, Havoc had begun to enjoy his “date” a lot more. Although it hadn’t exactly started on the best note, Breda actually bothered to control herself at least a little bit more at the bar, and their interactions became much more like the amusing, if brief, encounters they’d had before. She continued to crack loud jokes at inappropriate moments throughout the conversation, but as these ones didn’t involve nearly jumping Havoc in the building he worked in, he didn’t mind so much. In fact, after a while, he began to really enjoy it, even jumping in himself every now and then to tack something on to one or another of Breda’s hilariously obnoxious comments. 

The two of them had obviously had a little more to drink than they should have when they still had to work the next day, but it didn’t really matter. As long as they stopped before they got really drunk, there would be no issue. Besides, they were both relatively in control of themselves and the only real change was that they were laughing a little more loudly than usual. Breda was always loud and bold, however, so Havoc could barely tell if the alcohol were affecting her at all. 

After a while, Breda draped a large, hairy arm over Havoc’s shoulder. “See? It’s not that bad buying a girl drinks every once in a while, is it? Aren’t you glad I brought you out here?”  
Havoc gave her a half smile over his mug. “I have to admit that you were more forward about it than anyone else I’ve ever met. It’s not that bad of a change. “

She gave a sharp laugh. “I knew you’d like it! Anyway,” she leaned in conspiratorially to whisper in his ear, “after this, why don’t we go back to my place?”

Havoc just started at her as she deafened him with another loud guffaw. Things were certainly going to become interesting.


End file.
